Is choosing between sympathy and empathy is often challenging?

Empathy is finding the  echoes of another person in yourself – Mohsin  Hamid

We often confuse between sympathy and empathy.

As human beings, our life is full of emotions, experiences and feelings to the situations and  to the people around us.  We wants to be understood and understand others equally.

Recently, my friend went to see his colleague, who lost his parents.   After his visit, he was so upset that his friend did not appreciate his visit much.

When I spoke to him, It looked he showed   pity and sympathy instead empathy unknowingly. Instead of consoling him, he hurt his feelings for his parents.

Recognition and understanding the person’s exact feelings are very important when we express our bereavement and grief.

Empathy and Sympathy though looks similar, they are very different when confronting the emotional challenges faced by the individuals.

When you sympathise with somebody’s agony, the person  who sympathises takes a position slightly higher which in turn hurts  the other person.  Sympathy is a self-centred  view which disconnects your emotional bond and shared distress.

Sympathy has a shadow of pity which nobody likes . 

The important aspect of empathy is an attentive listening with undivided attention to the affected person. We have seen people going to the hospital to see the patient.  When patient was expressing his pain and illness, we attend our phone calls.  Some people turn towards his spouse and enquire about the patients’ health.  A silent uninterrupted listening to the patient words and feelings and a simple hug after listening without any words is also empathy.  

When you share empathy, it places both on the same stage and allows to share their experiences, pain and feelings.  It will help to recognise the type of emotion that prevails in that situation which provides comfort and strong interpersonal connect  to the other person.

Instead of saying, “I care about your loss, if you say, I feel your loss and I know how painful it was” makes a huge difference.

Move away from  “You” and “Me” to “ We”.  Don’t feel for them. Feel along with them.

It is  true, empathetic feeling is not only listening to their words, but also listening to their feelings and emotions .